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  • Writer's pictureBethany Nicole

3 Tips To A Classy Breakup

Updated: Apr 24

Ways To Keep Your Breakup As Classy As You Are!


Couple hugging in nice outfits

❤️‍🩹There's No Good Way To Breakup?


But like...there is though.


In the breakup hierarchy, all breakups are not created equal--some are just classier than others.


Yet if you are reading this, I'm willing to bet you are one of those people who likes to keep things on the classy side. Which means you've come to the right place!


Graceful exits are always in fashion and I'm going to share with you 3 ways to keep your breakup...as classy as you are!






Breakups can be messy there's no doubt about that, but they don't always have to be SO messy. There are a few ways to keep them clean, clear AND classy--here they are!


1. Clarity=Kindness

Couple at dinner in restaurant

Breakups usually involve some pretty tough conversations, and it can be very tempting to try to soften the blow, dance around the issue, or even blur the edges of the breakup. It's understandable, we don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and we are trying to be kind.


Yet when it comes to relationships, Clarity Is Kindness. Not being clear, not holding boundaries, or not being honest, can lead to a lot of misunderstandings and hurt feelings, more so than if you are just clear and straightforward from the get-go.


Your partner needs to know you are breaking up and they probably need to know why.

Now they probably don't need to share every single detail and minutiae of why you want to break up, so you can leave "you snore like a dump truck" out of the breakup convo. Yet if you are not feeling a romantic connection, you don't like the way they treat/talk to you, or you don't want to deal with the weird relationship they have with a coworker anymore, yeah you can go ahead and let them know those things. If you don't feel the need to go into details you can always say...

  • I don't want to be in this relationship anymore.

  • This just isn't the relationship for me.

  • I'm not interested in continuing this relationship.

The end. Those are complete sentences. Clean, clear, and kind.


2. Give Their Stuff Back


dog in moving box

This may seem obvious, but somehow in the heat of bad breakups, often massive pettiness is born. So much so that divorce lawyers buy mansions off of it, friends are tired of hearing about it, and we probably all know someone it has happened to.


It really is a simple equation. If it was yours before the relationship--keep it. If it was theirs before the relationship—give it back to them. If it was acquired during the relationship(furniture, homes, cars)-- find a fair way to divvy it up. If you can’t agree, then find a mediator, someone neutral to help you come to an agreement. If it’s something like a pet see Tip #3 for my take.



Trust me on this one, even if they were awful to you, holding onto their stuff only drags out the relationship and drags you down to their level.


Yes, it may in the short term feel good to hold on to that sweater they love so much, but in the end, you will actually feel worse. Not only will you be dragging out the drama of ending a relationship, but you will see how it probably deep down violated your own standards. How someone treats you is their karma, how you treat someone else is yours. So keep it classy--give them their stuff back.


Caveat


Now to be clear, this doesn’t mean being a doormat and giving them everything they ask for just for the “sake of peace.” Be sure to keep what is yours, and insist on a fair and equitable distribution of everything else. Yes, even if you are the one ending your relationship.


You cannot alleviate their hurt feelings with financial compensation. You can’t pay off the debt of guilt you may feel with a check. Everyone’s going to have some feelings around the breakup, but that is an emotional arena, and it doesn’t need to be a financial one.


So if it’s theirs, give it back, if it’s yours, keep it and if it’s a combined item, find a way to split it up or buy it out. Easy peasy.


3. Everyone Needs A Clean Break

woman walking away

Saddle up because this is a big one. Breakups can make us feel a lot of things, especially if we are the ones initiating them. We can feel the need to soften the blow by "being friends" or "keeping our promises" made during the relationship. Unfortunately, this can get confusing, which breaks rule number one of breakups, Clarity Is Kindness.


The continued interaction of phone calls, texts, or "just checking in" is emotionally confusing for people, even if they claim it isn't. It's hard to be friends with an ex, especially right after a breakup. There are a lot of blurred boundaries, confusing feelings, and unresolved issues bubbling right underneath the surface. Creating a clean break allows all of those things to clear out, then if after some time, space, and separation(like months or years, not days or weeks) you want to try to come back together as friends, give it a shot. I'll be honest, I've rarely seen it go well, you can be "friendly" without being "friends." More on that in another blog post.


Yes, it might take a few days or weeks to untangle your lives especially if you are living together or have additional ties. There are details to be sorted, but the goal should be separation, not prolongation. Do what you need to do, as quickly,  thoroughly, and fairly as possible so everyone can start moving on.


So what about things like agreements to go to a wedding with someone, promising to walk their dog every week, etc? A breakup is an ending, a separation, a parting of ways. That means all those deals are off. Yes, even if tickets are bought, flights booked, etc. Find a way to equitably distribute it or cut the loss.


I know someone who agreed to go on a pre-booked vacation with an ex even after they broke up. Spoiler alert it did not end well and she will never see her suitcase full of vacation wear again. Not unless she wants to dive to the bottom of the Pacific. Remember, breakups are an emotional process, sometimes even when someone says they are fine—they aren’t. So give everyone the time, space, and the clean break they need.

 

Now that being said, don’t screw anyone over, if you have agreed to walk their dog on Wednesday and you break up on Tuesday, then yeah give them a chance to find a replacement, or a new place to live, or whatever but don’t keep walking their dog and paying part of their rent it six months down the line. That’s not necessary.

 

You both need to begin finding support systems outside of each other. That’s part of moving on, literally what a breakup is.

 

Pet Policy

 

This can be a tricky one, especially if a pet is acquired by both people during a relationship. Usually, the best method is to keep it simple. If it was their pet, to begin with, it’s their pet in the end. Yes, even if you love it. If it was acquired during the relationship, there is usually one person either better suited to care for it, or possibly even favored by it. Pets have feelings, and like kids, being shuffled back and forth can be confusing for them. Having an owner enter and exit their lives over and over can also be hard on them.


Yes, it can mean making some tough decisions, but we can do hard things. Think about it, pets live a long time, are you still going to be picking up a pet every other weekend 7 years down the road when both of you are married with kids? No. That’s not even remotely realistic. So make the decisions you need to make now, as tough as they may be. Do the best you can. For more on this, check out Who Keeps The Pets In A Breakup.


Love Neon Sign

To Sum It All Up...

Breakups Can Be Chaotic Or They Can Be Classy.


Honestly, they are usually a little of both.




But with this guide now you know how to keep things off the chaotic side and make sure your breakups are as classy as you!


We're So Classy...


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