How Big Gestures Can Indicate Big Problems In Relationships
Who doesn't love a good rom-com?❤️
One rife with big grand gestures, last-minute proposals, and scenes where just when you think all hope is lost, the partner pulls through and saves it all.
We all love to feel that nervous excitement as we wait to see if somehow the exiled lover can pull it off, then the exhilarating rush when somehow they do. A big grand gesture, all is forgiven, and the couple rides off into the sunset, happily ever after.
It certainly paints a pretty picture, and Hollywood recycles that recurring plot line all the time. Yet the truth is, it actually leaves something to be desired. Here is why Big Grand Gestures in relationships can be problematic and how you can avoid falling into a storyline that is better served in low budget films than in your relationship.
1. They Can Band-Aid Over Bad Behavior
Big grand acts of affection can be wonderful in many ways, yet the intention behind them is just as important as the act itself.
I think we've probably all seen it in action, it's the couple where one partner spent the duration of a brunch lamenting that her boyfriend has been MIA for weeks. He rarely calls, she doesn't see him, he's out with friends and maybe even other girls. Then suddenly just as she is about to call it quits, he races in with a bouquet and surprise tickets to her favorite show and all is forgotten. Rinse and Repeat.
Some partners have clued into the fact that a big showy act of affection can be a get-out-of-jail-free card to previous bad behaviors. Which is a yucky thing to do at best, and abusive at worst.
We want our partners to be consistent. Consistent with their time, interest, affection and behaviors. We do not want to live in the world of low, lows--experiencing the crumbs of love, only to be occasionally swept up in the high highs of a grand gesture.
A grand gesture should be just that--a gesture. A meaningful exchange that shows how someone feels about you all the time, not just occasionally. It should be the icicng on the cake of the relationship, not a substitute for the cake itself. If that is how it is being used, it can indicate a problem--with either the person, their intentions or the relationship itself. Read on to see what I mean.
2. They Can Be A Sign of Love Bombing
Being swept off our feet can be an amazing feeling, yet we want to make sure we aren't being picked up only to be let down. Love Bombing can feel a lot like that. One minute we are happily spinning in the arms of love, the next we being unceremoniously dropped to the ground, only to find our lives, careers, and even bank accounts in disarray.
Love Bombing is when someone comes into a relationship very strongly for a variety of not-great or even insidious reasons. You can check out some indicators of Love Bombing here. One of the biggest indicators of Love Bombing is grand gestures that just feel off.
They can feel that way for a variety of reasons including: they feel manipulative, intrusive, just for show or they feel cookie cutter--not meant for the specific person.
One of the biggest ways to tell a grand gesture may be a Love Bombing indicator is if the big grand gestures soon turn into big grand asks. Meaning they now demand something in return--whether it's your time, money, commitment, home, or even body. Gross.
Trust me, f the grand gestures start coming with high price tags, they just aren't worth it.
3. They Can Be A Substitute For Lack of True Connection
Relationships often fall into patterns, some positive and some less so. Some couples repeat cycles that include high highs and low, lows and unfortunately Hollywood has taught us this is normal, even romantic.
Yet relationships shouldn't really feel like that much of a roller coaster. If a relationship has to reach its breaking point for someone to show affection, attention or that they care, there is a problem peeking through in that pattern.
True connection comes naturally, easily and consistently. If it feels like a lot of work or that it survives on big grand gestures, then there is most likely a crack in the relationship foundation.
Now of course over the course of time, especially in long term relationships, passion and connection can ebb and flow. I'm talking more about entire relationships that are built on this concept of gestures, or new relationships that are looking to them to sustain it. That is where these big displays of affection can actually be hurting the relationship, or masking that there really isn't one there worth pursuing.
To Sum It Up...
Grand gestures can be a lot of fun and a great way to bring a sense of glamour and romance to a relationship. When done correctly they can really ignite a spark between partners.
Yet when they are done lacking the right intentions they can actually cause harm. By utilizing this guide now you can learn to spot the difference and make sure your relationship and its big displays of affection are truly rom-com worthy.