3 Reasons Bad Breakups Are Actually The Best
Updated: Sep 20
How To Take Your Bad Breakup Status From Enraged to Empowered
Breakups are usually the worst...
But what if they didn't have to be?
What if you could find a way to see your breakup as the blessing it truly is? I know, I know it certainly doesn't feel that way now.
But hear me out on why... A Bad Breakup Could Actually Be the Best!
1. Bad Breakups are final
Bad breakups are usually the worst, but what if underneath it all, they were kind of the best! One reason bad breakups can be a blessing in disguise is that they are final. It is a very solid type of closure.
Often when breakups are amicable or not precipitated by anything, they can leave us with a lot of lingering questions. If there was nothing wrong, then did you really need to break up? What if they/you made a mistake? Should you try one more time?
With a bad breakup, none of those questions linger. It's over. That's very clear. The writing is on the wall and no additional closure or explanation is required. Which is important for us to be able to let go and especially--move on.
2. They AllowUs To Move On
Along with a nice package of closure, bad breakups allow us to start to leave the relationship(and the person) behind. Let's be honest, it's hard to pine after someone if they've dumped you in an ungraceful or even unkind way. Sometimes that final dirty deed on their behalf is exactly what we need to move on.
Perhaps we've always had suspicions that this person wasn't exactly our person, or maybe not even a nice person. Now we have more than suspicions. Seeing how someone chooses to end things with us can give us an indication of how they would be in a long-term relationship with us, or even when things got tough.
While breakups and relationship exits are not always graceful, if they are done in an especially, unkind, cruel, or harsh manner, that can give us the final kick out the door we need to start regrouping and moving on.
The moral of a bad breakup story? Or any breakup story really? It's over. They weren't that into us or even if they were, they weren't the ones for us. If they were, they wouldn't have broken up with us at all, let alone in the gnarly way they did. Or if you were the dump-er same goes for you, you weren't that into them, and they just weren't the person for you, or you wouldn't have ended things. Yes, it really can be that simple.
1. They Reveal Our Truths
Okay so maybe we got dumped, or maybe we were the bad breakup-er. It happens to the best of us. Perhaps we found some small, insignificant, or especially shallow reason to end it with someone, or someone found that reason about us. Either way, it gives us a lot of information to work with.
The first and most important piece of information a breakup gives us is that we just weren't into someone. Or they weren't that into us. Finding some obscure or kind of odd reason to break up with someone, something like: their shoes don't match, they laugh too loud, their car is too old(yes these are real examples from mine and my client's dating files) are all indications of a deeper issue. We just aren't that into them.
And that's ok--yes, really! We can't be with everyone. They can be a perfectly lovely person and still not be our person. We can be a perfectly lovely person and not be their person. The main piece of information it gives us is the most valuable, this is not the right person or relationship for you.
So thankfully now we know for sure, and can begin to move on to find the one that is!
A bad breakup gives you information about the person that is right for you, by showing you the kind that is not right for you. Whether that was your decision or theirs, now you have a blueprint for what kind of partner and relationship you DO want, thanks to one that you dont.
To Sum It Up....
Bad breakups can feel like the worst but in reality, they can actually be kind of the best!
They help us get finality and closure, they allow us to begin to move on and they reveal our truths to us.
I know that might not magically make the breakup feel all better, but hopefully, it will help you begin to shift your mindset from enraged to empowered! You can own this breakup! You now know the real reasons behind it, you know how it can help you move forward, and you know exactly what to start looking for in a new relationship and partner. Win. Win. Win.
Remember... Bad Breakups Really Can Be The Best!