Write Your Own Apology… For The One You Never Got

Validate

The first step to writing your own apology is to get the validation you deserve to create emotional healing and clearing.

Acknowledge

The second step is to receive acknowledgement around what happened. This allows for processing of situation as a past event and not one happening now.

Assure

The final step is forward-facing. We take actions to assure ourselves that what happened before, does not have to happen again. We ensure this because we are making the changes ourselves and not relying on others.

Write Your Own Apology

The Short Versions Provide Humor and Levity… Here Is Where The Deep Healing Really Takes Place!

Validate

The First Step Is To Give Yourself Compassion, Validation, and Empathy For All The Emotions You Experienced. Yes, Every Single One.

List out every emotion you experienced from the situation, yes even if they seem silly, irrational or unfounded. We aren’t here to judge we are here to incorporate and expand. To process and alchemize the emotions to increase our understanding and experience.

So list out every single emotion: Jealous, jaded, frustrated, annoyed, embarrassed, betrayed, etc. Then go down the list and give compassion for each individual emotion- “I’m sorry you felt embarrassed” Yes, you are saying this out loud to yourself(trust me this works!) Go through the list and feel the emotions as you go. Really feel them. Feel them, validate them, then release them.

Acknowledge

The Next Step Is To Acknowledge How You Feel About The Situation As A Whole And Give That Compassion As Well.

Describe what you felt about the situation taking place at all, maybe you felt it was unfair, unkind, that it never should have happened. That’s all ok. List it out and give yourself compassion for that. “I’m sorry your boyfriend cheating on you wasn’t fair, you were always faithful to him and you didn’t deserve what happened.” Keep in mind this is not about blame or shame, there is no room for that in this work. It is simply validating and providing empathy and compassion for how we feel, your point of view and your experience of the situation.

Assure

The Final Step Is Assurance. We Are Finding Ways And Actionable Steps To Ensure What Happened To Us, Won’t Happen Again.

Here is where we begin facing toward the future. While what happened to us might not have been control, we always have control over ourselves, and that is what we can focus on. Even if we find ourselves in a repeat of the situation, our reaction can be different. Finding actionable steps is even better!

For example, “I assure you(yes you are promising this to yourself) that I will start therapy to help uncover what caused me to feel I could accept that behavior from another person. I already booked my first session for Thursday.”

“I assure you I will take a little longer getting to know someone, so I can recognize the red flags sooner and take action.”

“I assure you I will prioritize my own health and well being, I started a new gym membership and started a subscription to a healthy meals delivery service.” etc.

Now Put It All Together!

Go back to Step One and choose the Top 3 Emotions you felt the most strongly about the situation. Then go to Step Two and choose the Top 2 or 3 feelings you felt most strongly about the situation in its entirety and find your Step Three Top 3 Action Steps. Now string them all together into one Grand Apology!

  • “I’m Sorry You Felt Abandoned, Betrayed, and Humiliated By Your Boyfriend Cheating On You, It Wasn’t Fair And You Didn’t Deserve It, I Assure You That I Will No Longer Ignore The Red Flags Of Potential Partners, I Will Prioritize My Own Nees In a Relationship, And I Will Not Ignore My Own Intuition About Someone’s Behavior.
  • “I’m Sorry You Felt Ignored, Rejected, And Embarrassed By Your Partner Breaking Up With You Over E-mail. It Wasn’t A Kind Ending to The Relationship And You Deserved Better. I Assure You that Moving Forward I Will Work Through Those Deeper Feelings With A Therapist(My First Session Is Friday), I Will Be More Selective About Future Partners, And I Will Demand What I Deserve Out Of Relationships.”
  • “I’m Sorry You Felt Disappointed, Heartbroken, And Alone After Your Relationship Didn’t Work Out. It’s Understandable to Feel Hurt and Disoriented After A Relationship Ends, Even If It Was No One’s Fault. I Assure You that Moving Forward I Will Prioritize Self Care And Begin A New Morning Routine to Focus On My Healing. I Just Bought A New Journal And Have Set My Alarm For 30 Minutes Before I Need to Start Getting Ready For Work.”

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