Leftover Lasagna

Updated: May 7, 2018

I’m sorry I was extremely sensitive about the fact that I lived above an Italian restaurant and my apartment ALWAYS smelled like leftover lasagna. At first it seems like a pleasant experience but honestly waking up to the smell hitting you in the face at 7:00 in the morning… is a bit much. Actually a lot much, like nauseatingly so. Every time you brought it up I would get extremely defensive and say that I had cooked lasagna the previous week and that’s why it smelled that way and that it was definitely, definitely not because I lived above an Italian restaurant. I also apologize that on our second date I asked you to give me a “release.” You were confused by what I meant so I explained that what I meant by that was that I needed you to give me either a hand job or blow job (your choice). I brought this up while we were sitting on the couch (which also smelled like lasagna) we weren’t making out, holding hands or even touching. I literally brought this up out of nowhere. I’m sorry that I then continued to try to pressure you after you told me you were extremely uncomfortable, to the point that you had to leave and take an uber home.

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