3 Simple Ways To Tell...
The beginning of a new relationship can feel hot and heavy as is! Infatuation runs high, and perspective runs low. So it's no wonder between all the grand gestures, and endorphin spikes, that it can be hard to determine if someone is truly that into us, or if they are dropping Love Bombs.
Here are three simple ways to tell.
3. Big Grand General Gestures
Roses, champagne, and jewelry, all good things, but also all somewhat vague things. One way to spot a Love Bombing is if the big grand gestures, feel big, grand, and general.
For example, do you not like champagne, are allergic to roses, and don't wear jewelry yet are being showered with these gifts anyway? Or do you feel like the love letters could have been copied right out of a book like they are full of emotion but not full of specific details?
Basically, could the grand gestures be translated to any person, in any relationship, and are not specific to you as an individual? That is one sure way to see that a Love Bombing might be afoot.
2. It Feels Intrusive
Do the gestures feel more intrusive than thoughtful? For example, are they showing up at your office, your apartment, or to places they weren't invited to in order to give you these big grand gestures? I once had a client whose boyfriend was performing big gestures but was breaking into her apartment to do it, literally forcing his way into the apartment to leave flowers and notes on her bed. Talk about intrusive!
Or are they using the gestures to take up more of your time or perhaps separate you from friends or family? I had another client whose boyfriend would surprise her with big elaborate dates but they always seemed to fall on nights she already had plans with other people. He would swoop in and whisk her off, pressuring her to cancel her other plans, by having already planned an elaborate(non-refundable) night out. It wasn't until she hadn't seen her friends or family for nearly three months that she picked up on the Love Bombing scheme!
1. Grand Gestures Turn Into Grand Requests
Here is probably the number one way to spot a Love Bomber in action. The big grand gestures turn into big grand requests. Are the gestures being used almost as collateral, a bargaining chip to pressure you into situations or commitments you aren't comfortable with?
Are they now asking to move in together, become official, share bank accounts, or buy something big(like a car or furniture) together? Are they asking for commitments that are far outside of the milestone norm for where you are in the relationship?
For example, are they asking to move in together after two months of dating, asking to be exclusive after two weeks, or wanting to share expenses after a month? These are all red flags of a Love Bomber for days. Be on the lookout for someone who is pushing for levels of intimacy and commitment without the relationship evolving naturally on its own, and also using previous good deeds as tools to amp up the pressure on you to agree to these things.
The pressure could also be exerted in ways such as asking you not to talk to certain friends or family members, spending more time with them exclusively, checking in with them within a certain time frame, or even turning the GPS on your phone on so they can "keep tabs" on you(for your safety of course), etc. Anything that asks you to change your life or routine in a big, restrictive, or uncomfortable way.
To Sum It All Up...
Good relationships take time to build. People take time to get to know each other and trust takes time to develop.
While some relationships move more quickly than others, no relationship timeline should make one of the partners feel uncomfortable or pressured.
If that is something you are feeling, then you may have a possible love bombing on your hands. Have the conversations and let them know the pace the relationship is moving, is simply not a good fit for you. If the pressure continues, that may be all the proof you need.