Instead Of "How Do I Make This Relationship Work" Ask This Question
Updated: 3 days ago
We all want our relationships to work. Breakups are rough, sometimes being single sucks, and feeling like we failed at something, is never fun. However, you know what is worse than all of that? Being stuck in a bad relationship that just isn't working.
So instead of asking yourself "How Do I Make This Relationship Work?" Try these two questions on for size instead!
Do I Want It To Work?
Sometimes we can get so wrapped up in the "could" that we forget about the "should." The truth is we can bend and break, twist and turn, compromise, and capitulate to make a relationship work. But the question remains, is that what we want? Do we want a relationship where we have to try so hard just to make it reach minimum standards? Do we want a lifetime of compromise and discomfort, or risk losing ourselves in an attempt to Band-aid a bad relationship together?
We have a lot of free will when it comes to relationships. We can choose to be with someone, we can choose to force a fit, and we can give up a lot of things we want in order to be more compatible with someone else. Basically, if we really want to, we can make a relationship work. But the more important question is "Do We Want It To?" Do we want the relationship to work if it means working so hard or giving up so much?
Does This Relationship Work For Me?
Now let's take that logic, one step further. Not only "Do I Want This Relationship To Work" but "Does This Relationship Work For Me?" Just as it is. Without you doing or changing anything, as the relationship currently stands, does it work for you? Does it add anything of true value to your life? Better yet, is it something that you would choose if you got to start all over again? If at the very beginning of the relationship, on the very first date let's say, your partner had laid out exactly how the relationship was going to play out, everything you would have to do or be or give up, would that have worked for you?
Often relationships can sort of...get away from us. Like they start one way, then they slowly transition into something else. More information is revealed, compatibility issues start to arise, and perhaps things that were glossed over, in the beginning, become blatantly apparent. It happens to the best of us. Sometimes you just can't test the theory of a relationship, without actually being in it. You can't know for sure something will or won't work until you try it out. But once you've discovered the reality of the relationship, the way it is really going to be, Does That Work For You?
Relationships run on compromise, this is true, but the compromise should be balanced, equal, and reciprocated. It should also not be based on big, life-changing, personality-shifting concepts. If you have to give up things that are very important to you in the long term or even in your day-to-day life, then that is something a relationship is just not worth sacrificing. Why? Because there is a better fit out there for you. There is someone who will not ask(or demand) you make big changes in your character, personality, or your life. They will not only like you exactly as you are, but they will also love being with you, and you will love the way the relationship feels. No questions asked.