15 Easy Letdown Dating Scripts
Saying " No" in dating can be hard, but letting someone down easily doesn't have to be!
They can't all be winners.
Or at least not winners on your relationship bingo card. Sometimes dating is a bit of a numbers game and it can take multiple dates, conversations, or meetups before finding your special someone.
That means you may have to say "No" to a few(or quite a few) people along the way. Which is a bummer, trust me I know. While it may not be the most fun part of dating, it doesn't have to be the end of the world we sometimes make it out to be. With a few mindset reminders under our belt and a few key phrases we can fall back on, we can make a graceful, authentic, and respectful exit from a situation that just isn't a good fit for us.
3 Things To Remember...
1. They Can Be A Good Person and Still Not Be Your Person
I know it can feel like a hard blow to deal, by telling someone who is interested in you that you do not return the feelings. Because yes, in the short term, it most likely will hurt their feelings, at least to some extent. For many of us, that is a hard thing to do to another person. So we begin to justify continuing to see them because they are "SUCH a great person" or "they haven't really done anything wrong" etc. But just because something isn't wrong with a relationship or date, doesn't mean there is anything right about it either.
Often due to tumultuous past relationships, friendships, or family scenarios sometimes we tend to forget that someone treating us well, being kind to us, and being a generally good human is actually a minimum standard in a relationship. Someone can be a good person, and still not be our person. So even if they haven't "done anything wrong" or are "such a good person" they still might not be your person and the relationship may not be for you. You can appreciate those positive aspects and attributes about them, without being in an intimate relationship with them.
2. You Are Doing Them A Favor
Yes, letting someone down might sting in the short term and yes it is not the most fun thing for them to hear, but overall remember, you are doing them a favor. Especially if they are awesome. They deserve to be with someone who's all in. They deserve someone who wants to be with them and can't imagine being without them, not someone who guesses they should stay with them because they are so nice. Think about it, wouldn't you want the same? Would you want to be with someone who didn't really want to be with you? Of course not. Because we all deserve to be with someone who truly, fully, and authentically wants to be with us. So you telling that person that someone just isn't you, frees them up to go find the person it is! You are actually doing them a favor.
Real-Time Example: I was dating a guy, and he was awesome. He had a really cool job that he loved and paid well, he was very kind, considerate, attractive, and exhibited a lot of the qualities I wanted in a partner. Yet he just wasn't for me. Once I came to that realization, did waffle a little. I knew I would be letting go of a great guy who cared about me. Yet because he was such a great guy who did care about me, and who I also cared about, I wanted the best for him. And the best was someone who was truly in love with him and wanted to be with him in the long term. So with a heavy heart, I ended things. A few short months later he found the love of his life. Within a year they had traveled all over the world, bought a house together, and were over the moon for each other. I was overjoyed because that is exactly what this man deserved and by me letting him go, that was what he got. Me being honest with him, freed him up to find the love of his life. I did him a favor, even if it didn't feel like it in the moment.
3. It Doesn't Have To Be Anyone's Fault
Dating is extremely subjective, meaning sometimes things just don't work out and it's no one's fault. Sometimes there isn't a specific "why" it's just two people not hitting it off for whatever reason. Yet even if there is a reason, it usually comes down to preference or compatibility. Finding fault or placing blame really isn't necessary, and neither is accepting blame or shame. You don't have to take it all on yourself, overly apologize, or "make it up to them." You don't have to feel so bad that you say things you don't mean like "Let's be friends" or "I want to keep hanging out" If you really didn't enjoy spending time with them, don't say you did. If you really aren't interested in continuing a friendship don't say you are. Why? Because it will backfire on you. They might take you up on it in hopes that you will change your mind about a relationship. A clean break is usually best and even if you truly do want to be friends, give it a little time and space before trying to do that.
Awesome! So with all that in mind, hopefully, you can move into the letdown process with a lot more ease and grace. To give you even more tools for the letdown process here are 15 scripts you can use to let someone know you aren't interested in continuing a dating relationship or scenario with them. (For more long-term relationship-type breakup speeches check out the Let Them Down Easy Breakup Lines.)
15 Easy Dating Letdown Scripts
I've marked my personal favorites with a kiss.
Short and Simple...
Begin with something like:
"I have enjoyed getting to know you, I had a good time on our date, or it has been fun chatting with you but...."
I'm not interested in a second(third/fourth/additional) date
I don't feel a romantic connection 💋
I just don't feel this is a good fit 💋
I don't feel this is what I am looking for
I don't feel it's going to work out in the long term
These may seem a bit abrupt but truthfully you don't usually need much more than that. Especially if it is only one or two dates in. My personal go-to is the " I don't feel a romantic connection." It is authentic, it is simple and it is to the point. It also doesn't leave a lot of room for debate which is good for ending something somewhat quickly. If you have only been on one or two dates with someone, and know it isn't a good fit, then why invest more time and energy on it?
Also, remember you don't owe anyone anything. Especially if they are a virtual stranger you met on a dating app and especially if you just went on one or two dates with them. If they continue to question/interrogate you past the point you are comfortable--block them. Seriously. No shame in the game. They don't truly need some long drawn-out explanation, you don't have to take all the blame, and you definitely don't need to meet up "one more time to explain." You've said what you needed to say, the interaction is done.
I like to keep things short and sweet.
A friend of mine likes to give more detailed info if there is any. Now keep in mind she has had very mixed returns on this, some of the guys have been genuinely grateful for the information, and some have been really nasty about it. So proceed with caution and be prepared the outcome might not be what you envision. If you are okay with that, then feel free to try some of the next five scripts. Yet remember the golden rule, you don't owe them anything other than the information that you are no longer interested in continuing to date them.
You can give them an explanation or try to sugarcoat it as much as possible but think about it, do you really want a list of all the reasons someone isn't into you? Probably not. Neither do they. So keep it short, sweet, authentic, and to the point. The parenthesis are the place you can add more info if you feel so inclined.
A Little More In Depth...
I respect you/your time and want to be honest with you...
6. This (X, Y, or Z thing) just isn't going to work for me
7. I don't feel we are compatible (because ___)
8. I am looking for (x, y, or z and that is) different than what you are looking for
9. We have different lifestyles(for example...) 💋
10. We have different goals/values/beliefs(for example...)
Now here is where you can give them specific reasons for calling it quits on things but again if it becomes hostile, drawn out or a whole big thing, just end it. Remember the main message you want to get across is that you just are no longer interested in seeing them. You really don't want to open it up for discussion and certainly not a debate, if you've come this far then most likely you feel pretty good about your decision to end things, so stick with that. And remember if someone is promising big huge compromises or changes, especially if they are solely "for you" then that is what Mary Poppins calls a "Pie Crust Promise" easily made and easily broken. Meaning, it won't last.
A Few More...
11. I enjoy spending time with you but don't feel this is a strong enough connection for a relationship 💋
12. I value our friendship but I don't see this as turning into more
13. I feel it's best if we no longer see each other
14. I believe there are better fits out there for us 💋
15. I'm not interested in taking this any further
That's it! You've done it. With one(or a combination) of these breakup lines you have successfully saved yourself and the other person a lot of potential heartache down the road. I know you may not exactly feel like patting yourself on the back right now, no matter how smoothly it went, or how graciously they took it, because hurting someone's feelings is hard. Yet doing it gracefully, authentically, and in a timely manner(or even actually doing it all) does put you in the category of an awesome human.
Also the more you do it the better at it you will get. You will begin to see how subjective dating and relationships truly are and recognize that it really comes down to preferences and compatibility. So letting someone know that it's just not working for you, frees them(and you) up to find something that does!
To Sum It Up...
Letting people down is hard. Yet keep in mind the key reminders...
1. They Can Be A Good Person and Still Not Be Your Person
2. You Are Doing Them A Favor
3. I Doesn't Have To Be Anyone's Fault
Plus...now you have some key phrases you can turn to in your time of need. It isn't always going to be graceful and you may not get a great reaction 100 percent of the time, but if you stick to the scripts and your own integrity then you can still feel good about how you showed up 100 percent of the time. You've got this!