How Do I Make This Relationship Work? Ask These 3 Questions Instead…
We all want our relationships to work. Sometimes being single can suck, breakups are tough and that feeling like we failed at something(even if we didn’t) is never fun. But…you know what is worse than all of that? Being stuck in a bad relationship that just isn’t working! Yikes.
So instead of asking yourself “How Do I Make This Relationship Work?” Try these three questions on for size instead!
1. Does This Relationship Work For Me?
Our relationships can sort of…get away from us. They start one way, then slowly transition into something else. More information is revealed, compatibility issues start to arise, and perhaps things that were glossed over, in the beginning, become blatantly apparent. It happens to the best of us. We can get caught up in our excitement, endorphins or even get a little Love Bombed.
Sometimes you just can’t know for sure if something will or won’t work until you try it out. But once you’ve discovered the reality of the relationship and the way it is really going to be, does that work for you?
Instead of “How Do I Make This Relationship Work?” ask “Does This Relationship Work For Me?” As is. Without you doing or changing anything, does it work for you? Does it add anything of true value to your life?
Better yet, if you knew everything about the person and relationship that you do now, at the beginning, would you still choose it?
2. Does This Relationship Bring Me Joy?
Sometimes we can get lost in the concept that “relationships are hard work.”Or that “good things don’t come easily” so we believe if we want a good relationship we have to really work at it. While there are times in a relationship that may become difficult, the majority of an intimate relationship SHOULD BE POSITIVE! Every step should not feel like trudging through the mud, there should be a general sense of ease, flow, and compatibility. There should be joy.
It doesn’t mean we depend on the relationship solely to “make us happy” but we absolutely should feel joy in it. (In fact, negative relationships negatively affect our health!) We should experience and enjoy the “honeymoon period” of a relationship.
Big difficult obstacles, major points of incompatibility, or heavy disagreements should not be coming up in the first few weeks, months, or even a year or so of a relationship. If they do, that could be a sign of incompatibility, someone’s unavailability, or just a sign you aren’t a good fit for each other or ready for a committed relationship.
If you cannot seem to agree or get into a rhythm or flow with each other, that could be a sign there are better fits for each of you out there. So check in with yourself and the relationship, instead of “How Do I Make This Relationship Work” ask Does it Bring Me Joy? If not, it might not be the relationship or person for you. And that’s ok!
3. Do I Want This Relationship To Work?
Often can get so wrapped up in the “could” that we forget about the “should.” The truth is we can bend and break, twist and turn, compromise, and capitulate to make a relationship work. But the question remains, is that what we want?
Do we want a relationship where we have to try so hard just to make it reach minimum standards? Do we want a lifetime of compromise and discomfort, or risk losing ourselves in an attempt to Band-aid a bad relationship together?
We have a lot of free will when it comes to relationships. We can choose to be with someone, we can choose to force a fit, and we can give up a lot of things we want in order to be more compatible with someone else. But the real question is “Do We Want To?” Do we want the relationship to work if it means forcing it or giving up so much of ourselves or what we truly want?
Instead of “How Do I Make This Relationship Work” you can begin exploring…What If There Is a Better Fit Out There For Me?(And your current partner.)
To Sum It Up…
Relationships run on compromise, this is true, but the compromise should be balanced, equal, and reciprocated. It should also not be based on big, life-changing, personality-shifting concepts or sacrifices.
If you have to give up things that are very important to you in the long term or even in your day-to-day life, then that is something a relationship is just not worth sacrificing for. Why? Because there is a better fit out there for you!
There is someone who will not ask(or demand) you make big changes in your character, personality, or your life. There will be a sense of ease, joy, and flow, and they will love you for the awesome person you are, exactly as you are.
